Monthly Archives: September 2014

Baby Bliss

IMG_1202The good old days of newborn bliss are over. Now it’s a dog eat dog world the minute babies exit the womb. In fact, the competition begins before they’re even born. When I was induced in the hospital, we could watch a monitor that tracked my contractions. The screen also displayed the contractions of every other woman giving birth in the hospital. Continue reading

Baby Minutia, Part 1: Zippers

zippersWhat kind of twisted, demented person decided to make sleeper onesies with snaps?!!!

A gazillion snaps up each leg and then a line of snaps to the neck. I still have traumatic memories of 2 a.m. feedings and diaper changes, fumbling miserably with each painstaking snap, thinking I finally assembled her properly, only to re-focus my tired eyes to find one pant leg wrapped around her head and an arm poking through the stomach snaps. When she outgrew the first round of snap sleepers, I searched the internet for zipper only footed onesies. They were life changing. Continue reading

The Questions

When you have a serious boyfriend everyone asks when you’re going to get married. When you get married everyone asks when you’re going to have kids. In the first few months of having your first kid, no one asks when you’re going to have your next one. They assume that you will and say, “When you have your next kid…” When you say, “Oh, I’m not sure that we will. We’re happy with one,” they respond, “You never know…just wait and see.” The more detailed questions asked of women in those first few months of caring for their newborn are not as widely known. Continue reading

The Solo Outing

While my father-in-law babysat the Dumpling one day, I took a break for a couple hours. She’s almost four months and doing well which means I’ve started to calm down somewhat and enjoy these breaks. Out for lunch, I forced myself to get a salad. Luckily, the barista did not ask if I wanted room in my coffee. I would have demanded at least a dollar off the price. Continue reading


You haven’t lived until you hold a sweet little baby, her face an inch from yours, as she looks into your eyes, bursts into a smile, giggles, gives a heartwarming coo and then…BAM!..the world’s loudest, most malodorous belch – a belch that would make a grown, red meat eating, gun wielding, beer drinking man proud – shoots directly up your nasal passages. Continue reading

The Burrito

I lost three whole pounds! My hard work finally paid off! Oh, losing the weight was excruciating, but, I did it! The scale says so. But, I already knew things were different before weighing myself. I woke up feeling lighter. I knew with all that weight off of me I must look like a waif. I sure felt like a waif. My pajama pants used to be tight and now they’re loose. I may not have been a Gisele kind of pregnant woman, but looks like I just might turn out to be a Gisele kind of mom. A MILF. Wow! I grabbed my old jeans, sure they would fall right off of my MILF hips. Continue reading

Return to normalcy…sort of…not really…but getting better…

The first time I went outside alone after having the Dumpling I felt like an escapee from the local asylum. It had been all baby all the time for about a month. I felt like the nerdy neighbor in Ghostbusters after he was taken over by the spirits and let loose on New York City. People were walking about, going to dinner, laughing with friends, jogging, sitting on benches, buying groceries…going about their lives. To say I was disoriented in this sea of normalcy, is putting it mildly. Continue reading